Lies we all tell ourselves

Lying, it's so confusing. Why is the truth always so scary, why are we always scared of the truth changing something? It seems so easy in TV shows to apologize and to make up but that's just not the truth. My parents are constantly accusing me of things even when I try to do something right for once. It's never enough for them, it's always accusing me of doing something wrong. I'm constantly fighting this war against my tears. It's so hard to hold them back sometimes and trying to pretend like everything is okay because it's fucking not okay. Nobody ever pauses to ask me if I am okay. If my life is okay. And it's fucking not. I want to die. Not because my life sucks but because nobody in my life cares enough to tell me it's okay. I just wish somebody would walk up and tell me everything is okay. Like the movies. It's fucking not going to be all okay but I just need someone to tell me that it is. I rather lie about my emotions then have to face the consequences. I feel like dying like tomorrow doesn't matter because it doesn't because tomorrow is not going to exist. Fuck my entire mind not the world. My mind is filled with thoughts of ways to end this misery. I can't.