How to deal with annoying and getting on my last nerve parents. It's strange how every time I seem to make a move there's a judgement. I understand the reason my parent's are so tough on me is because they don't want me to be like them but why. Why is it every time I make a move they seem to think I'm doing something wrong. I try to hold back the anger the rage I have for them but I don't know why it seems to come back to bite me in the ass. It's so crazy how I'm so good at giving advice to people about their parents but I can't fucking deal with mine. Please. Somebody just tell me what I can do to make my parents just stop.
Lying, it's so confusing. Why is the truth always so scary, why are we always scared of the truth changing something? It seems so easy in TV shows to apologize and to make up but that's just not the truth. My parents are constantly accusing me of things even when I try to do something right for once. It's never enough for them, it's always accusing me of doing something wrong. I'm constantly fighting this war against my tears. It's so hard to hold them back sometimes and trying to pretend like everything is okay because it's fucking not okay. Nobody ever pauses to ask me if I am okay. If my life is okay. And it's fucking not. I want to die. Not because my life sucks but because nobody in my life cares enough to tell me it's okay. I just wish somebody would walk up and tell me everything is okay. Like the movies. It's fucking not going to be all okay but I just need someone to tell me that it is. I rather lie about my emotions then have to face the consequences. I feel like dying like tomorrow doesn't matter because it doesn't because tomorrow is not going to exist. Fuck my entire mind not the world. My mind is filled with thoughts of ways to end this misery. I can't.
Moving on is clearly something I suck at. But I think I have finally mastered it, the art that is moving on. This may or may not work for you, it really depends on your heart and how open it is to letting go of those emotions and feelings. Here are three steps that could help you...
1. Eliminate any thoughts of him/her!
This is actually the key to all of this, delete all of those sad breakup songs that just remind you of his hair, his lips okay? Also, throw out anything that reminds you of them! Delete them from your social life, if you think you guys are good as friends skip this step but if they hurt you real bad kick them out like right now! Whenever your brain seems to have flashbacks of thoughts of them, tell yourself that they can not exist in your life anymore.
2. Focus on you.
It's the perfect time to focus on improving, growing as a person. Pick up a new hobby, try to set goals, learn a new skill. Use this time alone to grow as a human being. Don't be focused on finding someone to replace them. It's not going to work that way, forced relationships never work out. Focus on being the best you. Focus on loving yourself and creating who you want to be.
3. Finding someone new
You are now ready to head back out there to find someone that loves you for who you are. The most common fall back is trying to find someone that's just like the last guy/girl. Don't do it. Find someone that understands, respects who you are.
Dear Journal,
One of the things I have learned from my experience with boys is that they all are confusing. Okay, maybe not all of them but definitely the majority of them. When asked "What do you suck at the most?" most people would say math, soccer or something normal. But what I suck at is moving on. I get so annoyed when people say time changes everything because it doesn't. All time does for me is make me regret the choices I have made, regret all of the things I have done and all the thoughts I have had. I hate those people that make you feel like you're their second choice, like you're that girl that nobody wants. All we want in life is to feel accepted, to feel like somebody out there loves us.
All I want to do now is learn how to accept myself, to move on from all the people that make me their back up plan. I'm going to focus on me. And honestly, that's the best piece of advice I can give you. As shallow as this sounds learn to fall in love with yourself first. Take a break from all of those negative people in your life. Learn to appreciate your weirdness and your awkwardness. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough. And when you are finally satisfied with who you are, you will finally be ready to find that person that will love you and respect you and treat you like the person you have learned to love.
One of the things I have learned from my experience with boys is that they all are confusing. Okay, maybe not all of them but definitely the majority of them. When asked "What do you suck at the most?" most people would say math, soccer or something normal. But what I suck at is moving on. I get so annoyed when people say time changes everything because it doesn't. All time does for me is make me regret the choices I have made, regret all of the things I have done and all the thoughts I have had. I hate those people that make you feel like you're their second choice, like you're that girl that nobody wants. All we want in life is to feel accepted, to feel like somebody out there loves us.
All I want to do now is learn how to accept myself, to move on from all the people that make me their back up plan. I'm going to focus on me. And honestly, that's the best piece of advice I can give you. As shallow as this sounds learn to fall in love with yourself first. Take a break from all of those negative people in your life. Learn to appreciate your weirdness and your awkwardness. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough. And when you are finally satisfied with who you are, you will finally be ready to find that person that will love you and respect you and treat you like the person you have learned to love.
Dear God,
Our relationship I wouldn't say has been the strongest for the past 3 years. It started around grade 6, that year that I dreaded because so much change had happened that year. I was lost. I was completely directionless. You were not in my life, no you were. You were just always behind me and I never looked there. I was so caught up in having a perfect life. And when your life seems to be perfect God suddenly is not needed there anymore. Then, around 6 months ago. Change happened again and this time it was painful. My life was no longer that perfect, harmless, painless, happy life. It was this life I where I was constantly stuck in the past, regretting every mistake I have ever made. Life is all about changes. But that's what I'm most afraid of. Change is good. Change causes you to do things you never imagined you could. Change allows me to meet new people, change took away that one thing I once thought was everything. God knew I would not be able to return to him if my life was so perfect, he purposely gave me obstacles so I can learn that this world is not all unflawed. It is flawed in every way, shape and form. God doesn't want us to just turn to him when we are in trouble, in need, in need of you. He wants us to turn to him no matter what. He wants us to turn to him when we are happy, when our lives are perfect. We should be grateful and worship him everyday for he is the Lord and the one who saved us all. God, I'm not perfect and when my life seems to be perfect I always seem to forget you. I'm sorry. I will try oh so very hard to love you even when I don't have change in my life. I will learn to always remember your name. God you are great!
Our relationship I wouldn't say has been the strongest for the past 3 years. It started around grade 6, that year that I dreaded because so much change had happened that year. I was lost. I was completely directionless. You were not in my life, no you were. You were just always behind me and I never looked there. I was so caught up in having a perfect life. And when your life seems to be perfect God suddenly is not needed there anymore. Then, around 6 months ago. Change happened again and this time it was painful. My life was no longer that perfect, harmless, painless, happy life. It was this life I where I was constantly stuck in the past, regretting every mistake I have ever made. Life is all about changes. But that's what I'm most afraid of. Change is good. Change causes you to do things you never imagined you could. Change allows me to meet new people, change took away that one thing I once thought was everything. God knew I would not be able to return to him if my life was so perfect, he purposely gave me obstacles so I can learn that this world is not all unflawed. It is flawed in every way, shape and form. God doesn't want us to just turn to him when we are in trouble, in need, in need of you. He wants us to turn to him no matter what. He wants us to turn to him when we are happy, when our lives are perfect. We should be grateful and worship him everyday for he is the Lord and the one who saved us all. God, I'm not perfect and when my life seems to be perfect I always seem to forget you. I'm sorry. I will try oh so very hard to love you even when I don't have change in my life. I will learn to always remember your name. God you are great!
I recently created a video about my feelings and thoughts about love. Hope you enjoy!
My heart feels like it's on a mental breakdown. Many people each day take their own lives. My question is why? How much pain can I take before I take that step?
Dear Dreams,
Yes, I promised myself I wouldn't ever stop dreaming.
JAN 18.
